


So Lost, So Sorry

by Faetality



Series: Steter Bingo Angst/Dark Fic 2018 [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Nogitsune Trauma, Panic Attacks, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-23 21:33:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16167347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Faetality/pseuds/Faetality
Summary: Stiles doesn't deal with what happened.





	So Lost, So Sorry

**Author's Note:**

> a (happier?) part two of So Desperate, So Blind
> 
> For the square - Trauma

Stiles was awake. Peter didn’t think he’d been asleep at all, heartbeat too steady and scent heavy with stress. He was on the edge of the bed, leaving Peter’s arms cold and empty, instinctively the wolf reached out to pull him back into his chest. Stiles resisted. 

“Stiles? What’s wrong?” 

“How are you doing this?” The young man’s voice was deceptive, steady even as Peter could tell tears rolled down his face. How he'd been asleep, with Stiles breaking down right beside him Peter would neither know nor forgive himself for. He moved toward the center of the bed, propped up on one arm. Every trace of sleep that clung to him disappearing. Treading cautiously he asks,

“How am I doing what, sweetheart?”

Before he knew what was happening Stiles was out of the bed, aggressively running hands through his hair and pacing. “ _This!_ All of it!  How can you call me that? How do you stand to fucking  _ touch  _ me, Peter? After everything I did, after what I did to you?” 

Suddenly it fell into place. Really he didn’t know why he hadn’t pieced it together before, maybe he was just happy to have Stiles back. Maybe he was blinded by the want to pretend that, for just a bit, things were okay. The nogitsune had left impressions on all of them, Stiles hadn’t talked about it. No one had and so no one pushed him to. Peter least of all. Clearly, he made a mistake in that.

“It wasn’t you, Stiles. You didn’t do that.” They should have talked long before now. They should have addressed what the nogitsune did and Peter should have acknowledged that what happened in that warehouse wasn’t on Stiles. Peter had accepted that. Clearly his boy had not. 

“But I  _ did _ .” He was shaking now, desperation edging into the words. “I remember it. All of it. I don’t care if you say I didn’t it was my hands. It was  _ me.  _ My face _.   _ I remember what it felt like to put my hand in your fucking _chest,_ Peter. How do you just, forget that?” Since the ‘incident’, as most of them had been calling that night three weeks ago, Stiles had been more subdued, quiet when he wasn’t forcing it for the pack. He’d not had a panic attack in months but that streak was clearly being broken. Heartrate ratcheting up, breath coming shorter- Peter couldn’t imagine it was unwarranted. 

“Stiles, calm down.” 

“I  _ tortured  _ you. The things I said- I can’t- I can’t"

This time when Peter pulled him into his arms Stiles didn’t fight, sagging against him with hitching sobs. Peter sets them both down in the bed, gathering Stiles close in his lap and running one hand up and down his back while they rocked. “Breathe, in and out. It’s okay. I promise. I know it’s hard, there you are, shhh. Take your time. I have you. I love you. There we go, just like that. Breathe with me.” 

It feels like an eternity before the tears stop coming and the teen sluggishly moves up so his face is tucked more firmly into the curve of Peter’s shoulder. The wolf just keeps rubbing soothing circles into his back, a low rumble rising deep from his chest. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” 

“Shh, listen to me love, because I will only say this once. I forgive you; but I don’t see anything to forgive you for. Sweetheart,” the flinch  _ hurts   _ “I love you. I  _ trust you _ . I forgive you for everything before and after but it wasn't your fault. It wasn't you and I know that. I only wish you could stop hurting.” 

“I don’t want to do this anymore. I can't, Peter.”   
“I know, baby. But I’m here for you. I’m always here for you. I'm not going anywhere.”

  
There would always be blood in his dreams, on his hands. More than just Peter’s, more than those that Peter knew about. But maybe he could focus on the hands that held him now. Maybe he could move on. 

“I love you, Peter.” 

  
Maybe this wasn’t just a dream.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Just a heads-up I may play with two timelines of this series through the angst board. Any on that I do this with will be noted in the notes of the fic in the future.


End file.
